So, @Ev is following me now. NO BIG DEAL!
This is the first time I’ve ever been pumped about someone following me, I think.love you too, jerk.
Fuck your life, indeed
Well, in fairness the story is a little extra-tragic now, in that it has an element of getting raked over the coals for the crime of letting life happen to you in the name of not disturbing someone else’s. I hope there is a joke I’m not getting here.Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML
Your own damn fault for not cowgirling up and speaking your mind for—what, a whole decade? That’s pathetic well past the point of absurdity: you’re not a figure of pity; you’re a caricature of self-inflicted impotence.
Have fun being too much of a baby to ever get anything you want for the rest of your life.
Housing affordability in Australia is getting out of control.
As I understand the rough conversion rate, that’s right about the level of income where a family can start to consider the possibility of buying here in the Bay Area. The really tough part is that when the economy is healthy, the value of homes and their associated down payments increases at a rate faster than a family with that income level is capable of saving. When a family like mine relies on the rumblings of economic collapse and the worst job market in decades to be able to purchase a home, it absolutely is out of control.
Today's Gift - The idea for the funniest tweet ever.
For days, weeks I’ve been trying to think up an alternate name for the Watergate Complex that would make all the “gate” scandals sound funny.
Things like Iranpenis, lewinskypenis or our very own utepenis. As you can see I’ve got a little bit blocked on penis, which might be the “root” of my problem. (see what I did there?)
The best I’ve got is the Ramsbottom Center so all the scandals would be suffixed with bottom but that’s not funny enough. Also I think it would be best if the name still started with Water. Just Water what?
A list of the “gate” scandals are here for reference.
This isn’t funny at all is it?
Anyway, get to it. You’re welcome.
I like the idea of substituting “gate” with a smaller passageway or opening like “hatch” or “flap.”
Doesn’t have the sexual connotation, however, but may remedy your blocked penis.
I’m going with “buttfuck”.
If you morons don't stop bickering about toilet paper roll direction as if there is a true right or wrong way, we're all going to end up speaking French.
Some days, the beauty of the world weighs so heavily on my soul.
This little flower reminds me of Amanda, my high school girlfriend. Although Amanda and I only went out for two weeks, they remain the most defining two weeks of my life. Our romance ended painfully and inexplicably one fateful afternoon after she discovered some pictures I’d taken of myself engaging in self-love on an Indian blanket, surrounded by little flowers. These little flowers. It was an art piece, and she didn’t understand. No one has ever understood me, and no one probably ever will. Hopefully, when I become a vampire, these burdensome human emotions will fall away like a useless exoskeleton.I love it when people use Tumblr as a medium to lay themselves bare like this. Thank you, Andrew. Thank you for sharing with us.
Disclaimer: Andrew’s original post is devoid of text.Reblogged because HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
ALSO: please note that jessabelle2o7 has just opened Tumblr’s Comedy Pandora’s box: the Reblog Rewrite.
Regardless of who does this to whom in the future, it shall be known as being “Jessabelled.”
Example: “Did you see what TJ did to Tony’s post? He totally jessabelled it.”
So say we all.
Hahahahaha you’re all going to get sued.
Is there a doctor in the house?
So I have this really cute thing I get sometimes in the mornings where I’m showering and then all of a sudden I lose my vision, collapse, pass out, and throw up.
[ snip ]
WebMD wasn’t much better. They told me to go to the hospital like six times and then said I was fainting.
I don’t mean to be Naggy McPicksnpokes, but are you… are you sure you shouldn’t go to the hospital? My wife’s a nurse, so you can trust my medical opinion. That would scare the shit out of me, which isn’t saying much since spiders, crickets, financial advisors and neighborhood kids selling magazines all do the same thing, but still! I don’t know you personally, so feel free to tell me to fuck off and die under a stack of medical books I don’t own.
… is this … serious?
Sounds closer to a low blood *pressure* problem than anything having to do with sugar, but for the love of God, speak to someone who would know. WebMD is friggin’ useless, and you can trust me on that because I have a PhD in usedtoworkthere.
